River City ~ Dispatches from Austin

Thursday, June 06, 2002

We thought perhaps it was just a rumor, or maybe even a threat. But as the date nears, reality is setting in and River City News is bracing for a visit to our lovely city from The Corey Feldman Band.

Longtime pal Steve Scheibal first brought us the news of this impending "gig," and it was hoped that he was somehow mistaken. At the very least, there was a chance that this was a band going for camp value, naming themselves after an 80's heartthrob in some misguided attempt to appeal to 80's nostalgia (a nostalgia that is woefully misguided in its own right). But alas, this is a code red. This is the second coming of Dogstar (Keanu Reeve's old band). This is a band fronted by, named by (and for), and containing Corey Feldman.

We always want to give the benefit of the doubt. Just because he played the perpetual wannabe-guitar-rock prick in the movies is no reason to assume he can't actually perform musically. But common sense, and an overwhelming feeling of "we've seen this all before," dictates that this band is an embarrassment to all things rock & roll - so we did some research.

It's fitting that the most info we could find about The Corey Feldman Band (TCFB) came from some web site put together by two total losers. Read their ridiculous story here, as they detail their mission to see TCFB and meet Corey. Among other highlights, it seems CF came out on stage initially wearing a hood "to hide his face." His name is on the posters, for chrissakes! Who was he hoping to surprise?

Next comes the revelation that CF, during the course of the show, strips off many layers of shirts (including the hood, we assume) before finally standing there in all his shirtless wonder. Have mercy on us, Corey!

But what about the art? How are the songs? In reality, is impossible to tell from the two losers' web site. But we can get some insight from the fact that the band played "Stand By Me" during its encore. Okay, that's enough. Time to head for the door, nothing more to see here. This is another actor-turned-trivia-question-turned-musician who is trying to distract us. The Corey Feldman Band plays this Saturday at Six of Clubs, a venue River City has never heard of. We have to wonder if TCFB had to open its own club to book itself in Austin.

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